Spencer was sent home yesterday with a note from his teacher. It read something like this: Spencer had a very bad day today. He punched (a boy) because he didn’t want to play with him. We restricted his activities and he did not receive a good day punch. Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes.
As a mom I all I could think was how do I punish him for this? I can’t spank him (or hit him back) that would only confuse him. He had already had his computer game privileges taken away, and the Nintendo would be put away for the next two days. I thought about telling him that the Easter Bunny wasn’t going to come, but I struggled with that. So what was left? After raising my voice (or as many of you know me- yelling) at him and telling him how disappointed I was for his behavior, all I could think to do was lock the play room and send him to his room to think about what he had done. Then I went to a Primary meeting last night and the member of the bishopric that spoke said something that I really need to learn. He said, have you ever disciplined and just felt the spirit drain out of you? Then he said, when you can discipline and still have the spirit with you, then you have done it the right way. As tears came to my eyes all I could think was, I knew I didn’t handle the letter from Spencer’s teacher the right way. I know that is why Spencer acts out- he wants our attention, but I need to learn how to give him positive attention. I tell him several times a day that I love him and try to point out all the good things he does in a day, but it was reconfirmed to me that I need to work harder on that. I really need to change my reactions with him and discipline and give punishments in a loving way.
April Templatetopia
13 years ago
14 comments:
Parenting is so hard. It'll be something you will work on daily. I like that thought though. I need to discipline with more love rather than anger.
You are so humble. Thanks for sharing that.
I come from a long line of overreactors, so I feel your pain. Anyone who reads this and hasn't had a similar experience is either a) lying or b) a saint. While you certainly can't condone hitting, we have to remember that this little people still don't have the skills to articulate themselves when they get frustrated. You're a good mom--don't beat yourself up. :)
Discipline is so hard. I have also heard from a talk given in stake conf. that you should start out with a hug and a kiss telling your child how much you love them, and then discipline. I still have it a little backwards, but I think the idea and the impression it leaves on a child is much better than immediately lashing out. We all struggle with this, I am just so thankful that we can share our shortcomings and our struggles so others (like me) can learn from your wisdom! Good luck! :0) Thanks, I love what this man taught. It is so true!
Well, if it is any consolation, you are definitely not alone. I try my very hardest just not to raise my voice and take a privilege away. They just need to know that some things are just not acceptable. They thrive on our anger though in my opinion.
Thank you for sharing this experience. I needed to hear that. I need the spirit more with me then ever before. You are incredible and so is Spencer. Thanks for helping all of us. We all needed that advice.
Great post! Thanks so much for sharing your "a-ha" moment. This parenting stuff is not easy and it is really helpful that we can learn from one another's experience.
I have done the same thing myself! Thanks so much for sharing!
And I'm glad you didn't take away the Easter bunny. Years ago my parents punished my sister by not letting her go trick-or-treating for Halloween, and they still feel guilty about it. So I have learned to leave the holidays alone.
Thanks for the tip!
One of the eye-opening moments for me as a parent when my children began to be older and to get in trouble was that I didn't like me so much as an angry mom. This side of me was/is a surprise because I thrive on calm and quiet. Kids don't.
Oh, we all need to learn this. Thanks for sharing!
We all need that advice sometimes! Its so easy to get off track....thank heaven they are so forgiving. (and man, I sure don't judge my parents anymore!)
Funny,
Recently Matthew also was sent home for the same thing.
We just explained that he had no privileges. He lost TV & Toys for a week, and what saddened him the most, we didn't go to Monster Jam (Yes, I live in Redneckville, and When in Rome...)
Discipling is a crap shoot. Sometimes it'll work, and sometimes, not so much.
I have to work on that with Silas too! Where do we start?
That's the same comment that really stood out to me, too. It's one I've been thinking about a lot & praying to live by.
I feel like you are an amazing mom. I went through some rough times and learned that sometimes I looked for ways to compliment in big ways and it can be the little things that count...tell them what a good job they did getting dressed or brushing their teeth. Let them know how happy you are when they say please or thank you. love ya !!! RaeMi
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